illustration in which two people stand inside crumbling bride and groom sculptures
Wenjia Tang

What It's Like to Truly Be Friends With Your Ex

"We can't always neatly break things into 'friends' or 'more than friends.' There's different kinds of love."

Two friends reach for each other across clouds.
Wenjia Tang

When You Find the Best Friend You've Been Longing For

"I'd look at people, when they'd use the term best friend. I was like, I want one of those."

Illustration of two old men sitting on a couch, two women in saris talking, and two young girls wearing backpacks holding hands
Wenjia Tang

When Friendship Is a Family Matter

"The bond that we have and the experiences that we've shared, I don't really think 'friends' captures that."

An illustration of five men spread out on a horizontal grid, among silhouettes of land masses. The sun sets in the background.
Wenjia Tang

How to Rekindle a Long-Distance Friendship

"I think about nonphysical connections as seeds for potential future physical connections—things that can blossom."

Illustration of two women, one white, one Black, standing under a tree with orange leaves. The background resembles an aged piece of paper and has transparent words on it.
Wenjia Tang

The Value of Friendships That Don't Come Easy

"I probably wouldn't have naturally fallen into friendship with Heather. It took a little more effort; it took a desire to really pursue getting to know someone."

illustration of a sperm donor network
Wenjia Tang

A Friendship That Fuels a Bigger Notion of Family

"It's comforting to have a village of companions in this adventure to raise these children."

An illustration of two blonde women dressed in blue sitting on chairs with a microphone hanging between them. The background is black, and blue flowery shapes and squiggles that look like speech bubbles surround them
Wenjia Tang

There's No Time for Small Talk in Middle Age

"It really is the most unexpected thing that you can meet some of your best friends in your 30s. I thought that ship had sailed," Jessica St. Clair said of her friendship with fellow actor June Diane Raphael.

friends and their cookbook
Wenjia Tang

When the Dream of Growing Old With Your Friends Comes True

"We all dreamt, We'll grow old together. We'll be old ladies together. And we did."

An illustration of two men in hospital gowns, one with an IV in his arm. They are small and standing atop an enormous murky sea. Reflected beneath them are their silhouettes, cut out in white.
Wenjia Tang
An illustration of two women walking in the woods. A ray of sunshine forms a spotlight; they're standing in it, talking to each other.
Wenjia Tang

It's Hard to Make Friends When You Move to a New Town

"I think we both experienced some culture shock coming here. It was lonely."

Illustration of two men sitting on a yellow background, their shadows stretch out long behind them and the shadows are made of flowers
Wenjia Tang

How 1 Friend Can Change the Course of Your Life

"Judo found my house for me in Seattle. Judo gave me all my initial friends [there]. Judo introduced me to my girlfriend, who I live with currently. Judo introduced me to a guy who eventually helped me get my job."

Illustration of a man and an older woman in wet suits surfing on waves. The man is in the foreground and faces the woman, who is waving to him.
Wenjia Tang

The Joy of a Younger Friend in Old Age

"You don't have to stop learning; you don't have to stop growing; you don't have to stop adventuring."

Figures converse, use the computer, and read newspapers while walking around a background of giant issues of L.A. Youth
Wenjia Tang

A Newspaper by Teens, for Teens

"The lessons I learned and the people I met have always influenced who I am as a person and as a parent. Those were formative years."

A racehorse in the foreground with friends gathered in the background
Wenjia Tang
Illustration of two women using laptops sitting back to back in front of a window with a city outside and two birds swooping by the window
Wenjia Tang

The First 'Real Friend' You Make After College Is Special

"I have a big-girl job and a big-girl friend, and we're talking about big, important things like breakups. What a life I live."

Illustration of a woman holding a giant umbrella over another woman and her two kids. One of the kids is reaching out toward the woman holding the umbrella.
Wenjia Tang

When Your Best Friend Becomes an 'Aunt' to Your Kids

"Kristi's been a constant in my life. I couldn't even imagine not having her involved in the girls' lives."

Five silhouettes facing backward look at the outlines of children in the distance, representing their younger selves
Wenjia Tang

When Your Closest Friends Are From Elementary School

"When I see people from Peretz school, it's as if nothing has changed. The comfort, the ease, the knowing of each other is the same."

An illustration of a campfire, in the background, the silhouettes of two men sit in camping chairs looking at a sunset over a lake
Wenjia Tang

Overcoming American Masculinity to Build a Deep Male Friendship

"I was by myself in a country that felt huge and overwhelming. I felt tiny, and Abhi was my anchor."

group of women with a baby carriage and a stack of paper
WENJIA TANG

Work-Life Balance Has to Include Friendship

"We're able to be our fully human, vulnerable, type-A selves with a group of people who get us in a way that your partner or your kids may not."

A group of four friends set on a cliff overlooking a lake in the woods
Wenjia Tang

Hiking Is an Ideal Structure for Friendship

"Without this hike … it would have been one of those college friendships where you get together and talk about the old days."

two women in a stone house
WENJIA TANG

Friendship and Stonework Grow More Beautiful With Time

"If the house was burning down, she would run in and carry me out. She shows up, boy does she show up."

A close up illustration of a high five
Wenjia Tang
A woman walks away from a silhouette of a man in the background toward an older woman in the foreground
Wenjia Tang

I've Been Secret Friends With My Son's Ex for 30 Years

"I've realized that you have to look for friendship in places you would never expect it."

The silhouette of a woman stands small and alone among oversized lit candles
Wenjia Tang

The Friend COVID-19 Took From Me

"Baby and I would talk about growing old together."

WENJIA TANG

A Fantasy-Football League Unafraid to Commit to the Bit

"We have a flag that we fly. We have a portable flagpole."

illustration of two friends reading haikus to each other
Wenjia Tang

What a Simple Haiku Can Do for a Friendship

"I get a glimmer as to what she's feeling right then, and it also gives me a way to share how I'm feeling with her."

Two men stand in front of a glowing church, with the silhouettes of protesters behind them
Wenjia Tang

When a White Republican Teen Invited a Black Pastor to Preach in His Hometown

"It is unlikely to think that someone who was trained by Strom Thurmond would end up being like brothers with me, my father being a civil-rights activist."

An illustration of two teachers greeting each other in front of a giant computer displaying a Zoom meeting; in the background students sit at desks
Wenjia Tang

What Teacher Friends Talk About When Students Aren't Listening

"I don't know how I'm going to get through the day. I'm not in the place that I need to be, to be positive for the kids. Give me a boost; I need a laugh."

A man wearing a headset climbs out of a computer screen, to join a group of other men wearing headsets in the real world.
Wenjia Tang

What It's Like to Meet a Friend You Know Only From Video Games

"When he walked in and sat next to me, it was really weird. Like, Can you talk in my ear very closely so I can make sure it's you?"

Two women sit in comfortable armchairs, in front of a wall of giant books
Wenjia Tang

When Your Job Turns You Into a Brand, You Need a Friend to Be Human With

"Something that totally changes your life like that, even if it's overwhelmingly good, it still is overwhelming."

Two women in Army fatigues stand in a sea of silhouettes of male soldiers
Wenjia Tang

As the Military Transformed, Their Friendship Grew

"As a queer woman in the military, seeing both Don't Ask, Don't Tell and the combat-exclusion policy repealed [during my career] was momentous."

A pregnant woman lies in bed looking out the window as her friend sits nearby in a chair
Wenjia Tang

When Your Best Friend Gives Birth to Your Babies—All 4 of Them

"My kids know they're a product of me and their dad, but that Debbie was our oven … They love her even more knowing the sacrifice she made."

Two women stand on top of a huge bookshelf, helping each other turn the page of a large book
Wenjia Tang

The Empty Nesters Who Run a Bookstore—And Live Together

"A lot of people told me, 'Don't do it.' I said, 'But I love books and reading.'"

Two women stand in doorways across the hall from each other, waving. New York City can be seen out the window in the background.
Wenjia Tang

20 Years of Friendship With the Woman Across the Hall

"I used to joke and say, 'If I died in my apartment, I knew that Barbara was the person who would find me.'"

Two women sit atop a giant book, looking out at a sunset over a long road
Wenjia Tang

How the Hosts of 'Call Your Girlfriend' Saved Their Friendship

"With friendship, there is this expectation that it's supposed to be easy, which … is not an honest assessment of what any long-term, intimate bond looks like."

Wenjia Tang

The Pandemic Forced These Teens to Sail Home Across the Atlantic

"If you cross an ocean, you're constantly together, and you just become a family."

Wenjia Tang

These Two Generations of Best Friends Live Like Family

"When they were babies, we raised them together. We were always at each other's houses, and the girls were always together."

An illustration of the two friends sitting on blue and red colored building blocks.
Wenjia Tang

What a Liberal and a Conservative Learned From Their Friendship

"I think it's important that you remember who your friend is, that they are not just a set of political policies."

An illustration of an island popping out of a giant smart phone.
Wenjia Tang

The High Drama of a Homemade Survivor Game

"It was an all-day game. I was thinking about it almost an obsessive amount."

An illustration of the two friends. One is waving from inside a giant mailbox. The other is riding a giant letter into that mailbox.
Wenjia Tang

The Endangered Art of Letter-Writing

"There's nothing nicer than opening the mailbox and seeing something friendly, something that's not a bill."

An illustration of the two friends chatting on their balconies at night
Wenjia Tang

What It's Like to Live Next Door to Your Best Friend Right Now

"We don't have this superficial friendship where I'm only best friends with you when things are funny and happy … I'm also here for all the transitions and all the rough patches."

An illustration showing teens in cubes looking up at a giant screen. A cursor hovers over the screen.
Wenjia Tang

If You and Your Friends Are Bored, PowerPoint Parties May Be the Answer

"It's a distraction from all that's going on … This is a way to come together, in a different way—teaching instead of just talking."

A graphic showing the four Paul O'Sullivans sitting near a giant name tag. One of the Paul O'Sullivans is crossing off the word "my" and writing "our," so that the name tag now reads, "Hello, our name is Paul O'Sullivan."
WENJIA TANG

An Anthem for Everyone Who's Ever Googled Their Name

"At first, I was indiscriminately adding other Paul O'Sullivans on Facebook. It was like a joke. Then I realized, 'Hey, wait a minute, we're all musicians.'"

An illustration of two friends sitting on top of a school bus parked in the desert.
WENJIA TANG

How Two Young Hippie Friends Grew Up to Live Very Different Lives

"I'll complain to her about how I couldn't find a parking spot at the Nordstrom sale, while she's complaining to me about how her goats have hoof rot."

An illustration of friends talking over the phone in their own dorm buildings at night.
WENJIA TANG

What Are RAs' Social Lives Like?

"I was always in a fishbowl. I felt like I was not just Alex, but Alex the RA."

An illustration of two women pushing two halves of a podium together.
WENJIA TANG

How Two Candidates Became Friends, and Ran a Joint Campaign

"Maybe there should've been some animosity, but we're both naturally not drawn to unnecessary conflict."

An illustration of friends on a the back of a pickup truck filled with Christmas trees.
WENJIA TANG

A Harebrained Scheme to Sell Christmas Trees on the Streets of New York

"People were in the right place at the right time. That's its own small Christmas miracle, I guess."

An illustration of four friends inside a house while snow falls outside.
WENJIA TANG

The Case for Buying a House With Friends

"Looking around our culture, I think a lot of people are starting to experience the limits of individualism."

An illustration of three friends creating a long playlist
Wenjia Tang

These Friends' Collaborative Playlist Has Strict, Elaborate Rules

"Technology nowadays allows people to have music that's personalized to them … but it also allows people to collaborate in ways that we weren't able to before."

An illustration of two friends on top of a microscope looking at plankton.
WENJIA TANG

Navigating the 'Old Boys' Club' of Science, With a Friend

"It allows me to do my science better when I feel like I have a community."

An illustration of two friends pushing another friend in a wheelchair through a garden.
WENJIA TANG

How Friendship Changes at the End of Life

"People become frightened at the end of life. Sometimes I see them moving away from friends as they get sicker."

An illustration of two friends talking to each other while working on their laptops.
WENJIA TANG

On Being Happy for and Jealous of a Friend at the Same Time

"It can be hard to be really close to someone who's trying to do the same thing that you do."

An illustration of two girls sitting on top of a giant stack of books.
Wenjia Tang

A Teen-Run Book Charity and the Friendship It Built

"To know that there were people in my school doing things that I had dreamed about doing was really crazy to me."

An illustration of two friends holding hands while a military tank drives by the window.
WENJIA TANG

Whom Would You Trust If You Were Trapped in the Airport During a Coup?

"We were strong for each other. I don't think I could have been as clever or as grounded had it been just me by myself."

An illustration of two women hopping on top of chess pieces.
WENJIA TANG

Befriending the Queen of Chess

"These idols I've had, they were just like real human beings, not some distant star that wouldn't even talk to you."

An illustration of two astronauts in space.
WENJIA TANG

The Unique Friendship Between Astronauts

"Spaceflight makes you try to be a little bit more understanding, a little bit nicer, and try to see other points of view. Because all of humanity is right down there and you're looking at it."

An illustration of two friends and a soccer ball.
Wenjia Tang
An illustration of a group of men walking onto a path leading into an open book.
WENJIA TANG

An Existential Reading List for Middle-Aged Men

"To be known completely and to be loved is a very profound experience. Adult males do not often have that kind of an experience."

An illustration of three women dressed as Black Widow from the Avengers, on top of a building.
WENJIA TANG

The Friends Who All Cosplay the Same Character

"You see a lot of cliques in the cosplay community ... But what's been nice about our friendship is that there's never any competition."

An illustration of four women playing ukulele on the neck of a larger ukulele.
WENJIA TANG

The Ukulele Queens of Deerfield, Illinois

"I think our society wants older women to sit down, shut up, and go knit somewhere in a corner. And that's not what we're doing."